


Lost

by sherlockssexysocks



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drama, Happy Ending, Loyalty, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post CATWS, Romance, Sad, love across europe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-27 11:55:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2692043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockssexysocks/pseuds/sherlockssexysocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Paris.</p><p>It's raining.</p><p> </p><p>Or:</p><p> </p><p>Steve has always known where to find Bucky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost

It's Paris.

It's raining. 

You are always early and he is always late. Tonight he is even later. Your quick, blue eyes scan the crowds of tourists, the groups of locals, searching anxiously for a familiar face that could ruin everything. 

(You are waiting for that face that makes you feel like _home_.)

You can’t help but smile when he slides into the seat beside you, his own blue eyes cautious and round and you feel your own light being absorbed by his darkness, despite your attempts not to let it be. You blind him with a smile and soon he is folded over leaning into your conversation, listening to and analysing the sing-song quality to your voice. He cannot read you and that terrifies and thrills him at the same time. 

"I'm glad you waited." You say gently and there is a tenderness there that neither of you want to discuss, to acknowledge. 

(Because to acknowledge it would mean that this is actually happening and you know it shouldn’t be.)

He shrugs and leans back in his seat, ashamed by his eagerness. 

(He misses you.)

"It's different now. She's gone. It's just me and you." You promise softly, the sound of his soft sigh of impatience washing over you. 

“She could find us if she really tried.” He warns in a clipped tone.

You look away from his eyes. They are too intense for your liking. You do not know if you can trust him and yet that's all you want to do. You are both silent for a long time, his fingertips barely brushing yours where your hands meet on the sticky tablecloth. You want to talk to him, to tell him to come _home_ but then your phone rings and you know that it is all over. "

"Natalia." he sighs bitterly. 

You do not need to answer to know what she wants. You let the phone ring out. Immediately after there is the unmistakable vibration of a text. You open it even though you already know what it says. 

Departing De Gaulle airport at approximately 03:45. I’ll collect you at Heathrow.  
NR

You look over at him and he knows. His shoulders are squared and he is ready for a fight.

"You're quiet tonight." You whisper, trying to defuse the situation.

(Because it’s too charged. It’s always too charged.)

He does not answer. 

You smile knowingly. 

You sit in silence for another few moments before he presses a chaste kiss to your cheek, his lips soft and his breath warm. He drags his mouth to your ear. 

“Come find me, Steve.”

 

. 

 

Natasha isn’t happy. You think don't care. She meets you at the airport as previously arranged. You spot her immediately and see that she is armed. She was obviously expecting you to bring a guest. 

(And wanted to get even for the scars he has given her.)

She doesn’t acknowledge you as you arrive at her side. She turns on her heel and you follow her. She leads you to a sleek black car and you both slide in. She’s sharply dressed. You are in a rather wrinkled white t-shirt and some khaki slacks. There are freshly ironed clothes on the seat beside you and she looks away rather pointedly as you change. The silence is deafening and you have never seen Natasha so angry, not even after you and Clint hacked into her computer and accidentally deleted her files. You change quickly and wait. She looks back at you with disappointed eyes. Her lips are twisted unhappily and you suddenly feel very small. 

"Where are we going?" You ask. 

Natasha rolls her eyes impatiently.

"I'm sure you have some idea." She drawls softly. 

Starks it is then.

You make a small huffing sound before leaning back into the chair. 

“You have secrets too, Nat.” 

She doesn’t answer you. 

"He’s getting better.” 

Again you are greeted by silence. 

"You worked with him before!" 

Natasha rubs at an imaginary crease in her skirt, obviously choosing her words carefully. 

"I’ve never slept with a volatile, brainwashed assassin. Let's leave it there, shall we, _Cap_?" 

 

.

 

Sam is relieved to see you. He forgets to be angry. Fury does not, so you storm off to your own designated floor in the Avengers Tower and fume for days. You refuse to eat with the rest of the team and work out when they have gone to bed.

(You’re ashamed because you’re not one of them; because you have loyalties elsewhere.)

On the fourth day Natasha kicks your door down and sits with you.

You eat for her.

She, in return, informs you that when she gets her hands on the Winter Soldier that she will be merciful. 

 

.

 

You’re relieved that no one will be able to find the Soldier except you.

 

.

 

This time it's Warsaw. It's March and the crisp Polish weather revives you. You meet him on Marszalkowska Street and before you know it you are tumbling into bed with him. He's smiling down at you, so happy that it hurts to look at him. He kisses you softly, so tenderly that your heart aches and you know that there is no way you can give this up. 

He is your everything.

(Always has been; especially in Brooklyn when you had nothing.)

Both his human and metal hands are gentle. Everything about him is soft and tentative and you run your strong hands through his hair and he leans back into it, arching his back like a cat. 

He is beautiful. 

 

.

 

The weekend ends like it usually does. You fall silent and he disappears as seamlessly as he appeared.

 

.

 

18:30 Virgin Airlines. Don’t miss the flight.  
NR

 

.

 

Sam is waiting for you this time. He acknowledges your presence by telling you you’re a fool.

“Fury is gonna catch him. You’re leading them right to him.” 

You ignore him. You stare out the car window and silently urge him to stop talking.

“Never mind the fact that you’re putting yourself at risk and for what? If he wants to come home, Steve, he’ll come home. You can’t keep chasing him.” He argues.

You sigh and shake your head.

"Fine, you're right. Is that what you want me to say? I'm sorry, Sam.”

He scoffs.

"You're not."

And you're not.

 

.

 

The Avengers don’t understand and so you move back into your old apartment for a week or two. Tony joins you on the seventh night. He brings beer and take-out. You sit there in a companionable silence until he nudges you with his foot.

"Is he really worth it?"

(Yes. Yes. Yes.)

"I think so.”

Tony raises an eyebrow. 

"Even after everything?"

(He is all you think about.)

"Yes."

Tony nods to himself, seemingly pleased. 

"Then screw Fury; you have my blessing."

(And that means more to you than Tony Stark will ever know.)

 

.

It's May and you are ripping the clothes from each other desperately. 

It's Athens and there is thunder and lightning. The rain pelts itself against the window of the hotel you are staying in. The air is heavy and humid and deliciously thick with something that teases you. Both of you are breathing harshly as you lose yourself in a tangle of limbs and damp bed sheets. 

(And how you’ve _missed_ this; these nights where you can lose yourself to sensation.)

"I r-remember you." He gasps as you enter him.

You arch into his touch and mumble incoherently as you begin to thrust.

"You’re my best guy; my Stevie. You'll never leave me; promise me you'll never leave me?"

Your eyes shoot open and his eyes are searching yours desperately, anxiety practically pouring from those dark, rounded pupils. 

"I promise."

Bucky laughs and leans up to kiss you sloppily, his lips wet and messy.

"Come to Omsk with me. I can hide you; protect you just like the old days, Stevie. I can make you _disappear_." He pants into your mouth.

You watch him closely and realize that you can read him now like you could before the war. You look at his eyes and see hope. You glance at his blank, relaxed forehead and see trust. You eye his lips and see love. You close your own eyes for a moment and calculate the likelihood of actually being capable of slipping away before nodding slowly.

"Okay…okay, Buck."

 

.

 

Athens International. British Airways 21:00. Be there, Rogers.  
NR

 

.

 

Athens International. American Airways 23:20. I mean it.  
NR

 

.

 

Athens International. Virgin Airlines 01:15. Last chance.  
NR

 

.

 

You throw away the stupid cell that Clint bought you and follow him. 

You don't get far. The scenes at Omsk Tsentralny Airport are ones you quickly delete from your memory. 

You can only be thankful they don't get Bucky.

 

.

 

Fury takes away your travel rights. You lock yourself away for a month. No one visits you or calls to make sure you are okay.

Bucky comes once and you know Natasha knows. She's not speaking to you however so can't congratulate her on her observational skills. 

You didn't think you'd care so much. 

(But they’re your friends and you miss them.)

 

.

 

It's September now and nearly four months have passed since the incident in Russia. You’re lonely. He knows and kisses you deeply, ensuring that you realize just how sorry he is for what happened. You understand, of course, and offer yourself to him. You need him. You need him to fill you. You need him to hold you close as you come. He understands and it isn't long before you finish, shaking and gasping. 

"I can't let you go again." You whisper against his flushed chest as you both lay in the damp sheets. 

He strokes your hair and kisses the tip of your nose.

"Then don't."

You sigh.

"You make it sound so easy, Buck."

He takes a deep, shuddering breath, like someone coming up for air after a long time underwater.

"I’m ready to come home, Steve."

You freeze before looking at him cautiously. 

“Do you mean that?" You breathe.

He nods slowly and pushes his sweat soaked hair out of his face.

“Yeah. I do.”

 

.

 

You fly home together and you tell them, you tell them all that _Bucky_ is back. They’re slow to react, reluctant to comment as they stare at the man who wears the Soldier’s face.

(Because they only know him as that; the Soldier. He was never Bucky to them.)

Fury says he can’t stay; that it’s a security breach. You tell him that you’ll leave too, then. 

Fury threatens to take your shield. You willingly hand it to Sam.

“Let them stay.” Natasha finally intervenes and they all stare because he is the man who scarred her.

(And you wonder how much she actually forgives.)

“Natalia.” He mutters, his eyes searching hers as he tries to place her. 

“Don’t call me that.” She warns as she steps forward and lays down her weapon.

Bucky follows suit. 

“As insurance you give us the arm.” She demands. “Stark will make you a new one.”

You open your mouth to argue but Bucky silences you with a look.

“This my deposit?” He teases. “I get this back if I decide to leave?”

Clint chuckles and shakes his head.

“You don’t ever get to leave here, pal. Once you’re in, you’re in.”

“Like a family.” Sam adds.

“A family.” Bucky repeats, a small smile tugging at his lips. “I like the sound of that.”

You decide you do too.

(And for the first time since you woke up in this century, you feel like you _belong_ )

**Author's Note:**

> WHY DO I DO THIS?
> 
> i dont know why i wrote this, dunno if its any good. its a little different from my usual style but let me know what you think if you've gotten this far please


End file.
